This story came to mind after thinking about what motivates people to write a story about other's. And then as usual my mind wandered, and I thought, CRAP! Feed them CRAP! Now its just another shitty story, but imagine writing about shit, so this is "my" Shitty little Story.
My neighbors are all shit-heads! Yep every smelly one of em. The crap that rolls off their tongues is like listening to maggots eating at their garbage souls. I'm half expecting to see a fly, fly out of their mouths every time they open up. But that's not nearly as bad as the vomit they spew. Just got to remind myself to step back and watch it hit their shoes. And trash pickup is on Wednesday, so maybe someday - someday ..
So in my passive reply to all their crap, I have learned to get even. Well it wasn't really my intention, it was my dog's. How I love that dog! She never could just take a dump in the grass. Nope, she needs to walk it out. Too much down time indoors, (cuz well shit here stinks) so walking is the excercise to get her creative juices flowing..And there have been times where her artistic skills have won her no applause.
Like the time she decided to shit while the Villan'ess of the neighborhood was sitting on her front porch eating her cake and sipping on coffee laced with hate. Don't ya know, that crazy wonderful dog of mine decides to be artistic no more than 5 feet from her walk. And Explodes this great big puddle of steamy brown liquid, with music you could sing along with. It would have put Pollack to shame! Of course there is an ordinance to picking up after your pets excrement, but...well how do you pick that up? And thus while the streets here are not paved in gold; are they painted! Brown patches of stain in front of every shit-heads home. Kinda reminds me of when the Nazis marked anyone who they wanted taken away. And so it goes...
We all know the saying ''Shit Rolls Downhill." This town is no exception. When my shitty neighbors decided they couldn't rile me with their odiferous offerings from vomit and venom, they decided to involve town officials. Now this all started because I needed to have the property surveyed, and some animals just like to trespass beyond their borders. Like wild animals always on the hunt for prey, they didn't take kindly to being fenced in.
So I met with the game wardens of this wonderful town of SHITVILLE, and asked who in WHOVILLE did they think they were coming from? In all courts of Civil Shitdom, disputes between wolves and lesser land owners' there comes a time when the landowner has a right to preserve their own land. To say the wolves lost is an understatement.. They not only lost, they snared themselves. More interesting to me however were the game wardens, telling me to use the old fashion method of beating them down in a bloody battle of man eating flesh. And so it goes...Only in SHITVILLE.
But this is a way of life in Shitville. Uneducated tenants that elect the same officials time after time, because well...inbreeding makes for a closer community. We did have an outsider come in to run the town once. He was not considered popular either, and managed to very nicely leave a very befitting legacy. One I find deserving for the town's folk who live here. The biggest mountain of a garbage dump ever. For the next twenty years the town is under obligation to accept trash from outside communities, and so it goes...
Shit certainly flows down hill...
Well that's the end for now.. I just needed to wipe my ass a bit. Oh yeah, I wrote this while sitting on the toilet. (I feel much better) And so it goes....
No comments:
Post a Comment